I have always been surrounded by social butterflies.When living in a large family, attending a large school and working in an enormous city, it’s very season to sink or slip into the back of the crowd without anyone noticing. During secondary school, it was difficult to be shy due to the constant association with friends which did wonders for my confidence. On the other hand, in my mind I have always been the quiet one, despite what others may have gathered. Socialising and meeting new people is fun and a vital experience in life but I have come to terms with the fact that I’m just not that social. Saturday night house parties are great, I enjoy all the fraternising that goes with it. But sometimes I would rather enjoy my own company and spend a few hours reading or on Tumblr/Pinterest.
The comfort with being alone comes from being so very shy. When I was a lot younger, I used to feel to nervous and uncomfortable to say hello to my own extended family members, it was just too daunting. Answering up in class and evening speaking up in general was always a challenge unless I felt like I was surrounded by close friends. Then social media came alone, which I have a love-hate relationship with. It all began with Bebo, choosing from thousands of skins and sending hearts to best friends. Not being included in a best friend’s description box was devastating. Then Facebook came along, a website I haven’t really used since 2010. This is probably down to the realisation that half of the 1,000 plus friends I had on there probably can’t even pronounce my name.
As I have grown up, I occasionally revert back to my timid shell, but I actually like it. Every person has one comfort food, object or place. After visiting the library in the city centre almost every lunch break, I have realised that I feel at ease and most comfortable when surrounded by book, it gives my mind something to do. I can spend hours in Waterstones just reading blurbs and searching for my next read. I’m not forced into a social situation and conversations that do establish are natural and enjoyable. Maybe the social butterfly stage is yet to come.