Gaining Confidence in the Real World

Gaining Confidence in the Real World

When it comes to confidence for me, it’s all internal. I get confidence from a good mindset, what I’m wearing is usually a bonus. I used to think it was all about how you look, what you’re into, how pretty you are, who you’re dating – but even the prettiest humans with the most amazing partners can lack confidence from time to time.

It’s a funny concept to think about, through social media, we see a little window into the lives of people all over the world. It’s a platform that enables users to create a lifestyle that can be showcased to others. Be then there’s the issue of figuring out what’s reality and what’s for show. Trust comes into to question and that’s something really sucky. But back to confidence: there could be someone who seems to have a perfect life, but it’s all through a screen, it’s all through photos. In the real world, they’re broken and low.

Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk

SHOP THE COAT

Online, I would consider myself to be a pretty confident person. I always think: “It’s my blog, I can post what I want, when I want, how I want.” But in reality, I can be incredibly insecure and anxiety only amplifies that feeling. I often get sick of not being in love with myself, or being in love with my life – so I decided to take the steps to alter that.

Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk

HOW I GAINED CONFIDENCE IN THE REAL WORLD:

TAKING A STEP BACK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA
I took a couple of days away from Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat and Pinterest. The outlets I use the most. They’re great for getting inspiration, but when it comes to my body or physical appearance, I shouldn’t be getting inspo from someone with a completely different build or body-type. It’s just not healthy and could develop into something much more serious.

Taking a little hiatus from social media also helped me to realise I don’t need it to survive. It’s a wonderful way to connect with people and publish creative content, but I can live a life without it so it shouldn’t control mine. I didn’t get any major withdrawal symptoms which is always a brilliant sign.

REALISING MY VALUE
Something that’s always been incredibly difficult for me. I used to almost feel bad for feeling confident, in case it came off as cocky or arrogant. But there’s a line, and I learned the difference. Confidence is being proud of who you are, having the willpower to show the world who you are and knowing what a valuable human being you are.

Cockiness is not only just being a delusional douche, but it’s also having the belief that you’re somehow above everyone else, usually for a superficial reason like money or looks. When I took the time to realise that I’m a living being, I actually do matter and discovered my worth, my confidence shot up.

 

Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk

SHOP THE DRESS

Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk

IGNORING THE CROWD
Following the crowd is such an easy way to live life. It’s like floating along with common opinion, never having to worry about making a decision because it’s already been made for you. Sometimes I do still follow the crowd, but only because I want to. If I don’t want to do something, most of the time I’m not going to do it, no matter how different from the norm it is.

It could be something as little as wearing UGG boots. So many people hate them, but I freaking love them, so I’m going to wear them! My confidence in myself is strong enough not to care about the opinions of others.

Ignoring the crowd has also helped me explore my fashion sense a little more: not just thinking about trends, but focusing on what suits me, my body shape and what I really like. I recently did a post on being a snobby shopper, as I used to only shop in stores other people did, or stores I thought had a better reputation online – now I shop where I want.

SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
When I start to feel low or can feel a spell of anxiety coming on, my instinct was to isolate myself. Escape from the feeling and drown out the noise with music or another activity was always the way to go. Sometimes it still is.

On occasions, there are times when I actually do want to be alone because sometimes I just like my own company, but in other situations, surrounding myself with positive people is the very best medicine. People who can make me smile so much I forget to cover my mouth because I hate the sight of my gums. People who make me laugh so much I actually cry. And people who bring out the best qualities, therefore boosting my confidence.

Plus, it’s really nice to actually speak to human beings, face-to-face, rather than through a text message or via images. That kind of interaction is uplifting for the soul and in turn, positively impacts confidence and self-esteem.

Anika May // Fashion and Lifestyle Blogger // OOTD // anikamay.co.uk

SHOP THE ACCESSORIES

Social media will always be something I adore because it has so much power, and it’s fascinating to me. It’s such a great way to get to know people on the other side of the globe, or see parts of the world that are too expensive to fly to! It’s a great platform for finding the right kind of inspiration, and for building a portfolio of ideas as well as share and promote our talents. It’s easy to have confidence when it comes to a computer or phone screen because it’s not deep. But when it comes to the real world, I like to know I can be the same person online and in life.

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Please note, the coat I'm wearing is homemade, which means the exact piece cannot be found online!
  • Merel van Poorten

    This coat looks amazing on you!! Love it a lot <3

    X Merel
    http://www.andathousandwords.com

  • This is such a great post Anika! In real life I am not a confident person at all

    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

    • I still have days when I’m not, but the only way is up! 🙂 xo

  • Yiotou_La

    Having the right people by your side is so important. We need people that lift us up and not bring us down and it’s really nice to talk face to face and meet like the old days when there was no social media, to just sit down, enjoy a cup of coffee and chat! And the right and positive people boost our confidence and it’s nice to have a couple of friends by your side on bad days! x
    Yiota
    pinkdaisyloves.blogspot.com

    • Totally agree, face-to-face interaction always lifts me up more than a text! Thanks so much for reading! xo

  • Jyoti Vats

    Confidence is everything.. And you look fab in this coat 🙂
    Wonderful post dear!
    Beauty and Fashion Freaks

  • Biana Perez

    What a wonderful post!! I think confidence comes from being happy in your own skin – which is often times hard in the world of social media! xo, Biana –BlovedBoston

    • Definitely true, it can be an ongoing battle! xo

  • I struggled with confidence when I was younger but once I had my son my priorities changed. I stopped comparing myself to others and decided to focus on what was important to me. Having the right people by your side is great too. I don’t think you have to be a super confident person but more of a content person.

    Jennifer | Mrs Q Beauty

    • That’s so lovely! Having more responsibility definitely shifts your perspective. Definitely, contentment is everything! xo

  • Anika I am just loving your posts lately – so honest, well-written and relatable! I’ve always felt much the same, in that I’m confident online but the total opposite in the real world. A step back from social media always helps and I’ve been learning to focus on myself and ignore what everyone else thinks. These photos are gorgeous too xx

    heart-autumn.co.uk

    • Thank you so much, Emma, that’s made my day! A step back definitely helps you get your online personality and real-life personality on the same level 🙂 Thanks again! xo

  • Lizzie

    A really interesting and helpful post for people everywhere. In this day and age confidence is something everyone struggles with from time to time, taking time away from social media is always a good idea!

    http://www.thebutter.co.uk/

    • Definitely agree, thanks so much for reading! xo

  • Merel van Poorten

    Your bag is so so pretty! Love your look.

    X Merel
    http://www.andathousandwords.com

  • Great tips! And your bag is super cute!

    -L.
    LenaRevealed.com

  • Courtney Hardy

    I totally agree with you about social media. It can be hurtful to look up to people who look superior. And it’s awesome that you’re doing what you want to do, and you step away from the trends, and that’s awesome! Keep being you girl.
    http://sugarcoatedbears.blogspot.com/

  • Laura

    This jacket looks so cozy x

    Laura
    https://pinkfrenzymissl.blogspot.be/

  • This coat is so chic, I love how it looks on you!

    Camila,
    My Vogue Style | http://www.myvoguestyle.com

  • Pentene Milner

    Right on! Love every bit of this post babe. I think we all get a little caught up if not a lot in what society bases beauty on, but reflecting on yourself and building on the beauty inside of you only brings out the confidence in you. Keep bringing out the beauty in yourself.

    Xoxo
    http://www.stylemefancy.com

    • Definitely agree with you there, thanks so much! xo

  • Diana Maria

    What a wonderful post, Anika. It’s so great that you’re able to take breaks from social media and can live without it. It’s important to know your value and feel confident, and know that there is a difference between that and being cocky. That’s something I have to work on as well. Such an insightful post that I could honestly relate to, and you look beautiful!

    Sending light & love your way,

    My Lovelier Days

    • Thank you, Diana! It’s such a good feeling to grow in confidence, thanks again for reading! xo

  • Kristin

    Love this post! I agree with taking a step back from social media. It is sort of a fake world that isn’t real but its refreshing when people will get vulnerable and real!
    Kristin
    http://www.tweedandlace.com

    • It’s nice to uncover new layers 🙂 thanks xo

  • Pili G

    You look amazing in this post!
    I love this post. Confidence can be so hard in this modern days, I am slowly learning to gain it and appreciate it. I love this tips.
    Love
    Pili
    To Read With Tea

    • Thank you! Appreciating it is such a lovely thing xo

  • Kathrin

    I especially like how you said that you can be authentic in real life and online. It’s great to hear and really hard to achieve in just one area, let alone too.

    Love the outfit too. Black and white is such a classic combo.

    Kathrin | Polar Bear Style

    • Thank you so much for reading, Kathrin! xo

  • Bo

    Love love the layout of this post. Great photos too 🙂
    -Bo / STROMVOE

  • Lovely post and lovely tips! I’m just the same, I would say that most of the time, I don’t feel particularly confident, but whenever I do I ask myself ‘I hope it doesn’t come across as pure arrogance’! Also agree about appreciating our own company 🙂

    http://fannyanddailybeauty.com

    • It’s so hard to not feel like you’re blowing your own trumpet, but sometimes you have to, haha! xo

  • Federica Di Nardo

    Very nice look <3

    Federica
    http://www.federicadinardo.com

  • Great post. Confidence is such a tricky thing. I agree that social media helps to put on a different persona and the reality can be different but i try to keep it real as much as possible. x

    franklyflawless.com

    • That’s lovely! Thank you 🙂 xo

  • Coco Cami

    Great post, thanks for sharing! Confidence is such an important subject and I agree, confidence comes from a good mindset 🙂

    Camille xo

    http://www.cococami.blogspot.co.uk

    • Thanks so much for reading, Camille xo

  • Eleine Pereira
  • isa machado

    Lovely outfit dear!

    Isa M., Tic Tac Living

  • I totally agree with you and all of the points you made! It’s always important to think positively. A good outfit is definitely a plus too, hehe! 🙂

    xo, Chloe // https://funinthecloset.com/skye-footwear-sneakers/

    • Definitely important! Thank you so much xo

  • Mary Graves

    Thanks a lot it worked!We discovered our dress for http://www.millybridal.org. Your customer service and dresses are so perfect. I like shopping on your website. and it is so fabulous! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ce91e7980c865b4627ff3c6207987d1858f2afa73c82f7078984c66b00463dd6.jpg

  • Yesss surrounding yourself with the right people is so important! And you should be proud, your blog is awesome 😀

    xx Sofia | SOFIAADOT

    • Aw thank you very much, Sofia! xo

  • These are great tips!! Awesome post! 🙂

    Katherine | http://www.oneswainkycouple.com

  • Good tips lady! Love the look.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

  • Margot R

    I love your outfit,
    Your coat seems so warm
    Xx,
    Margot
    https://troughthepasturesofthesky.com

  • Alexandra

    These are great tips for overcoming anxiety. I used some of them myself a while ago. It’s great to see bloggers opening up more on their struggles. A break from it all is always great for emotional health as well. Nice Outfit by the way Anika.

    Lily of Nigeria
    http://www.lilyofnigeria.com.ng

    • Definitely is, brings us all closer! Thank you so much xo

  • Missy May

    Confidence is definitely something a lot of people struggle with especially if we look at what’s on social media. We feel like we are lacking something which isn’t true. Great read here Anika and you look Fall perfect.

    http://missymayification.blogspot.co.uk

  • Lovely coat dear. That looks so comfy and warm. Really perfect for fall.

    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

  • Dina ADina

    Nice coat!

    dinamighty.com

  • fashionistha