I was watching one of my favourite episodes of Friends, The One With George Stephanopoulos which is the fourth episode of the first season. I’ve started to become obsessed with the early seasons of Friends, not only because they’re hilarious, but because I can genuinely relate to the characters. Despite being a couple of years older than me in the first season, it’s great to get a little insight into what’s to come and hysterically laugh at the same time. Sadly I don’t have a friendship group like the one in the show, but it’s great to lowkey live vicariously through sitcoms!
In the episode, Rachel meets up with her old friends who are getting married, advancing in a huge career or starting a family. She then returns home to Monica and Phoebe, feeling pretty down about not having a plan. She then asked a huge question: “What if it doesn’t come together?”, leaving Phoebe and Monica stuck for an answer. I wasn’t even born when this episode first aired, but now I’m watching it and actually thinking: “I don’t have an answer, like, what actually does have if it doesn’t come together – because so far I’ve been assuming it will?”
Then I came to a simple conclusion: I really, really, don’t have my life together. At all. When I take the time to meditate on where I am, who I am and what I’m doing – it’s very clear that I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m heading for. Of course, I have goals such as:
Blog and freelance full-time
Live relatively comfortably when it comes to finances
Spend more time with friends and family
Always put faith first
Find happiness wherever possible
Take advantage of every opportunity that slides my way
But I don’t actually know how I’m going to achieve these goals, because they’re not short term. They’ve been in the distance since I was a teen, but the distance is getting closer and realisation set in. Here are four things that prove I don’t have my life together! I thought this would be a pretty fun blogpost to publish, to let people know that they’re not the only one who doesn’t have it together.
One of the main reasons I didn’t want to live in London, or work in the depth of the fashion industry is because of the chaos. They never sleep, and I like sleep. I chose self-employment and blogging because it suits me, my lifestyle, the area I live in, and the things I’m passionate about. However, after spending more and more time in the blogosphere, learning the ropes of social media and meeting new people, I learned the blogging industry can be just as hectic.
From time to time, I’ll listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos or read interviews by other bloggers, that discuss their tactics, routines and essentials. Then the evil cloud that is comparison hovers in my brain and I’m thinking: “I don’t do any of this stuff, have any of this stuff, or know what they’re talking about” and the feeling of being overwhelmed drops by.
Being totally honest, when it comes to blogging, I’m kind of winging it. I know what I want to blog about, and just hope my personality is enough to keep this little dream going.
When I went to college, I left after three days. When I worked in a café, I quit after a week. And when I worked in an office, I wanted to quit after two months (but managed to work thirteen). It’s the whole fight or flight thing in my brain. Definitely proves I’m not adulting in life yet.
If there’s a situation I’m not loving so much, my resolution is to exit. In any way possible. I attended Leeds City College for a total of 72 hours and never looked back. Hated it. I certainly have a tendency to quit something if it isn’t going my way. I’ve even quit blogging before!
I suppose the one upside, is that I always return to the things I love. I returned to sixth form because I was passionate about the subjects on offer. I returned to working for my mum because she’s awesome and the job is incredibly rewarding. And I returned to blogging because I simply couldn’t leave it behind. So, I sort of have it together, but still not quite.
Every day it gets more and more shocking. Especially in the winter, as it gets dark at around 4pm and I’m basically done by this time. Once I get into a lazy mood, it’s so hard to get the motivation to do anything – which I don’t think is how adults are supposed to live.
Sundays can be especially difficult, when I have hundreds of items on my to-do list but can only manage to get three done. Why? Because I’m procrastinating and avoiding everything like the true lazy chic I am. Sometimes I can lay down for three hours doing absolutely nothing, despite knowing I could be using that value time to blog, shoot or edit.
And because I’m so lazy (and love TV), it takes me forever to get the simplest of tasks completed. As I’m writing this post, I’m watching an episode of Friends, or rather, I have watched four episodes of Friends and basically lounged around between each sentence. It’s pretty bad.
It’s easy for me to say I don’t have an answer to Rachel’s question. I don’t know what happens if it doesn’t all come together, because I don’t really know what I’m doing right now. For some reason, social media makes us feel like we have to have everything in check before we’re thirty, but in reality, no one has it together. I think everyone is just winging it.