Through September, I really struggled through a tough time. I started the month with a post about friendship, something I wrote in about an hour, after finding out my closest friends were hanging out without me, or not inviting me to fun activities I would love to do.
Of course this hurt, but forgiveness is the most important thing, so I chose to do so. However, this continued to happen, and the ladies I consider to be my best best best friends were booking holidays without me, and inviting other people which really hurt.
At first when I found out, I actually struggled to comprehend what was happening… surely the girls I considered a second family weren’t excluding me?
Sadly, that’s exactly what happened and it hit me hard. As I wrote in my earlier post, friendship is a really tricky thing. It’s not always easy to navigate and certainly not something I was prepared for.
Because I felt almost betrayed and very lonely, my mental health really started to suffer. Through September, although I was churning out blog content, I struggled to leave the house, and had to psych myself up to do the simplest things. I knew my anxiety was affecting my quality of life, and those terrible elements of depression started to creep in.
Over what seems to be a little thing to some people, my life actually felt like it was falling apart. I waited a very long time to find a friendship group that I was truly happy in. Where I could be myself and feel comfortable opening up, and suddenly that doesn’t seem so secure anymore.
Even though I chose to forgive on multiple occasions, my headspace was still very negative, I naturally felt neglected and unloved – two awful feelings.
Because I felt like everything was crumbling, I completely forgot to actually look after myself through September, and basically went into auto-pilot: dropping all my hobbies, working non-stop, isolating myself and just letting the days pass.
I recently realised that this isn’t doing anything for my physical or mental health, and despite feeling quite hurt, I shouldn’t allow a couple of problems ruin my entire life. I’m only 22!
So October is the month to take care of myself. Autumn is in full swing, it’s the cosiest time of year and there’s plenty to do on my own. The leaves have never looked more photogenic, I can pick up some great books to cuddle up with, and create some awesome content.
OCTOBER TO DO LIST:
Love and appreciate myself
Start working out again (Pilates)
Try make a new friend
Work on my photography portfolio
Talk to someone about my anxieties
Try bullet journaling – it looks so fun
Read at least 5 books
Pin way more
Have at least 2 spa days
Relax on Sundays
Redecorate my room, switch up my surroundings
Get outside and walk
Hang out with my family
Take long drives (with the heat on)
Have a movie night with my sister
Buy at least 5 more candles
Work on my winter wardrobe
Design and sew more dresses
Watch Netflix until the sun rises