Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time?
So many things I still don’t know
So many times I’ve changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain’t scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back
– Erykah Badu, ‘Didn’t Cha Know’
Why is everyone so busy all the time? Does being busy and feeling busy mean you’re successful? Or does working yourself into the ground and constantly worrying about moving up mean you’re finally on this imaginary track to accomplishment?
Sometimes I think I’m losing my mind. Blogging, photography and just creating in general is something I’m so passionate about and I’m so happy doing, but is that enough? Is loving something and dedicating all your free time to it really enough?
Over the past few months, I have been doing something thinking when it comes to my blog. In fact, I’ve been doing some thinking when it comes to me. I started to slip into the endless pit of losing my identity, and feeling like the way I am right now, is not quite enough for me to be accepted in the online world. Thinking I need to change, and adding more and more stress to my life.
Maybe I don’t write enough think pieces? Do people even read lifestyle posts? Do people like photographers? Do people even read blogs? Should I focus on Instagram? Should I buy followers? Should I change up my Instagram? Should I take more selfies? Should I be more like her? Should I copy his shooting style? Is my fashion sense unique enough? Should I just delete my blog?
There’s a lot to think about and it really gets confusing. It’s the part of the blogging world that isn’t really talked about enough, and it’s the competition mixed with comparison that makes me wonder if I’m even creative enough to keep up, or if I love my hobbies enough to earn a living from them. I almost feel like I stumbled off into a path of misperception, and it’s my love for my specific hobbies that brought me right back.
As a blogger, and someone who has an Instagram account – I have found that it’s really easy to start worrying about numbers. And while it’s normal to keep an eye on them and celebrate the small achievements, I also need to remember that numbers don’t define me or my success.
That pressure is there, and it’s always there because I’m the one applying it. I’m pretty sure Linda next door isn’t watching my blog stats and wondering why I had more page views in October in comparison to January. Nope, I’m the one who’s stressing about that… for no real reason.
The same applies to Instagram – that app is all over the place and as much as I love it, it’s not the best place for growth as a small account. But that’s okay, because I have to remember I created that spare to share what I photograph and create, nothing more. It’s just a social network.
To be honest, I think we all have a tendency to apply pressure to our lives unnecessarily. Being 22 is such a weird time because the lives around me are so different. Some friends are married, some have babies, some act like babies, some a killing it in their career while others are just winging it like me.
I met with a friend a while back, and she was constantly creating to-do lists in her mind, and was so busy with her thoughts, and so stressed about the future, she couldn’t even finish her cup of tea. Another friend mentioned she was losing sleep because the anxiety of each day caused her to forget what feeling relaxed is like. One friend actually said she had noticed differences in her mood, because she was so frazzled all the time. She just wanted to chill.
I too, have absolutely no chill and add all this extra stress for what reason? No reason.
So I’m writing this post to tell myself, and anyone else out there, to try resist putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to appear like a girl boss 24/7.
I’m well aware that it’s easier said than done. I feel like I work six different jobs and live on another planet but that’s exactly what it’s time to take a step back and put life back into focus.
With blogging in particular, I’m constantly trying to improve and learn and grow, which is good, but also bad if it’s all I ever think about and don’t enjoy the process I became obsessed with in the first place. Churning out content is pointless if I don’t love it.
I’m not sure where this ramble is going, but I do know there’s no way I’m alone in this boat of just needing to relax for a second and stop freaking out and over thinking my next move like I don’t have plenty of time left in this world. So if you’re a blogger, creative, professional or just a human who is in this boat with me – let me know.